Posts about living in, understanding, and finding the best of mavenhood.
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So much of my twenties & thirties felt like a haze. There was always so much to do – restaurants to try, clubs to go dancing at, stores to shop in, career ladders to climb.
Truthfully, there was a lot of busyness.
And the older I get, the more I find I am happiest with a simple life.
Yes, I still like to travel. Yes, I still enjoy a great meal and brunch with friends. Yes, I love to shop. But everything in life has become – more intentional.
If I’m going to travel somewhere, I want to really experience it – to settle in, relax and indulge in the little pleasures a place brings.
If I go out to eat, I want it to inspire and delight me. To taste the flavors like I’ve never tasted them before (I can still remember the warm, sweet juiciness of a tomato as it burst open in my mouth at a tiny restaurant in Barcelona… sigh).
And honestly, I don’t shop much anymore. Gone are the days in my twenties when I would leave Forever 21 with (sorry to say) 8 bags in hand – clothing to be recycled or donated soon after.
Now, I curate my wardrobe. I know what I like, what fits well on my body, the fabrics I want, what feels good on my skin.
What I’ve come to realize is that fewer really is better. Less really is more. What I have – is enough. And what I deeply want, is what really matters.
And what I want is depth – nourishment, community, connection. Meaningful, authentic conversations. Dinners that go deep into the night – where the company is as good as the food. Real friendship that can hold the highs and the lows – the utmost pain and (because we’ve been there) – the joy, lightness, and play.
Truthfully, I don’t think I’m missing out. I’ve been reflecting lately on the age gap between myself and the Gen-Z’ers who I am now old enough to lead and mentor (when did this happen?). How I perceived people older than me when I was their age (in not always the most flattering light, to be honest). I swore I would never be ‘stuck in my ways’, or stubborn, or not want to learn something new.
And what I’ve realized is, it’s okay. I don’t care to be that age anymore – to stumble around, searching for myself. If I want to learn something new, it’s because it lights me up. If I am stuck in a pattern or routine, I can choose to look at it – if it serves me. Or I can accept it – as a part of who I am. Either way, I choose. Time – and life – have given me the wisdom to do that.
The thing I’ve come to learn especially over the last 5 or 6 years, is that there’s grace in this transition. The transition from young adult – and caring so much about what the world around me thinks – to an adult, who cares a little less – to a maven, who knows herself well enough to understand that what others think simply doesn’t matter quite so much.
I actually think we’re lucky that we get to experience life this way. Not knowing what’s ahead – that the road is winding and the next step may not be clear. That the next great adventure could be now – or 10 years from now (and that life, while short – is long too). That discovering our selves is an excavation, and there are many things we may not want to look at. But when we do, wow – oh wow, there is so much goodness there.
Eight years ago, I found myself at one of those turns in the road when a long-term relationship ended and the life I had known – ended with it. I had lost myself in that relationship and looking back, had shown up as who I thought I should be instead of who I actually was. It wasn’t fair to my partner – and it wasn’t fair to me. And it was in the leaving – and learning how to be on my own – that I began to figure out who I really was.
In that time alone, I began to discover the parts of myself that I hadn’t been able to claim before. The parts that said: ‘this is me, this is my life, this is what I love, this is who I am. This is what I need, and this is what is important to me.’ It was in that space that I began to re-build my foundation. To ‘build my bones’ and a new home – one inside, that I could always return to. I learned how to come back to me.
And that is essence of life, right? To come back to ourselves, so we can show up as we truly are.
Because who we are at our core, can never be lost.
So, even if life continues to twist & turn, even if it offers challenges along the way, even if the road ahead is unclear – even when it asks: are you sure you know? Are you sure this is right? Are you sure this is enough?
You can answer – yes. Simply, yes. This is enough. I am enough.
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
You’ve seen, heard, and read enough to be convinced strength training belongs in your life, including in “Ask a Personal Trainer: The Case for Lifting in Midlife.” Now what?
First, check in with your healthcare professional before starting any physical exercise program. Once you have the green light, build over time. You don’t need a gym or to work out every single day to see results.
Personal trainer Salene Parnese (@womenshealthnation) works with clients throughout the New York metropolitan area and specializes in fitness for midlife women. We asked her to cut through the noise and explain which exercises matter most, and why.
Will strength training help me look better?
Yes, you will definitely look better, but I think that’s one of the smallest benefits of strength training. Also yes, it can absolutely help reduce body fat when you combine it with proper nutrition, and yes, it can also help reduce your abdominal fat over time.1 But it’s important to remember that you can’t spot reduce from one specific area.2 Fat loss happens throughout the body, and where we lose it first is usually determined by genetics and hormones.
As you build and maintain lean muscle and reduce body fat, your body composition will change. You may not notice a huge difference on the scale, but you’ll notice your clothes fit differently, your waistline changes, you carry yourself differently, and you feel stronger and more confident. I always encourage women not to rely solely on the scale. Your body can change in really positive ways even if the number on the scale doesn’t move, and sometimes it goes up.
Strength training has incredible functional benefits. It literally makes everyday life easier. Like I said before: carrying groceries, lifting your suitcase overhead, climbing stairs, getting up and down off the floor, balance, it all improves with strength training.3 And your energy starts to go up.
As far as when you’ll notice changes, you’ll often begin feeling stronger before you see a dramatic physical change. Building muscle and changing your body composition takes time. Every workout is an investment in your future health. And while looking better is a wonderful bonus, I don’t want that to be the only reason women strength train. I want them to train because I want them to feel stronger, be stronger, move better, protect their bones, maintain their independence, and continue doing the things they love for decades to come. That is the real transformation for me.
What are the exercises I actually need?
We want to focus on movements that give us the biggest return on our time. The good news is you don’t need a gym. You can do all the movements I’m going to tell you about at home. You can use different modalities: dumbbells, bands, kettlebells, if you’re in a gym, machines, and sometimes your body weight; they’re simply different tools. It’s consistently performing these fundamental movement patterns and progressively challenging your muscles over time that makes the difference.
When I design a full body program, I focus on 7 primary movement patterns. A sample might look like this:
1) A squat variation, which is a body weight squat, a barbell squat, even a leg press if you’re in the gym.
2) A hip hinge: a deadlift, a Romanian or a conventional, a kettlebell swing, a hip thrust.
3) Moving on to upper body, a horizontal push: a push up, a bench press, a chest press.
4) Also a vertical push, this would be like a shoulder press or a handstand pushup.
5) Then we move into the pull. This would be a horizontal pull, which is a seated row or a bent over row,
6) Also a vertical pull, which would be something like a lat pull down or an assisted pull up.
7) Then I always include some type of core bracing, because a strong core supports everything we do. This would be something like a dead bug, a plank, an ab wheel rollout, a Pallof press.
If you’re short on time, don’t overcomplicate. Build your workout around these 7 fundamental movement patterns and train them consistently.
By consistently including these movement patterns in your training, you’re working all your major muscle groups and building strength. I will always remind people that there isn’t one perfect exercise: a squat isn’t better than a leg press, and free weights aren’t better than machines. What’s best is what’s appropriate for your body, your experience level, and your goals, and you want to challenge yourself safely and with good technique.
What’s one more thing you wish every midlife woman knew about strength training?
I wish every woman knew this isn’t really about the muscle. Yes, you’ll become physically stronger, but what happens outside the gym is even more powerful. Strength training teaches you discipline. It teaches patience, resilience, humility, and confidence. It reminds you that you’re capable of doing hard things. Every time you pick up a weight you once thought was impossible, you begin to realize that you’re capable of so much more than you ever gave yourself credit for.
I truly believe strength training is one of the greatest gifts a woman could give herself. I often call it the closest thing we have to the fountain of youth, not because it stops aging, but because it helps us age with strength, confidence, independence, and vitality.
I also think there’s something incredibly empowering about strength training during midlife. Society often tells women that after a certain age, we should become smaller, quieter, and somehow accept that we’re declining. I don’t believe that for a second. In fact, some of the strongest, most disciplined, and most inspiring women I know are over 50. They’re still learning, still growing, still challenging themselves, and proving that strength has no expiration date.
If there’s one thing I hope every woman takes away, it’s this: don’t let your age define what you believe you’re capable of. Your body is still adaptable, your mind is still powerful, and it’s never too late to become stronger than you were yesterday.
This is not medical advice. Check in with your healthcare provider before starting a new exercise or strength training program, especially if you’re planning to lift heavy weights.
Supporting research behind Parnese’s responses.
1. Khalafi, M., et al. (2023). Frontiers in Endocrinology. Systematic review and meta-analysis of 101 studies involving 5,697 postmenopausal women, finding that exercise training, including resistance training, improved body composition by reducing fat mass, body fat percentage, visceral fat, and waist circumference while increasing lean body mass.
2. Ramirez-Campillo, R., et al. (2021). Human Movement. Systematic review and meta-analysis of 13 studies involving 1,158 participants, finding no significant difference in localized fat loss between trained and untrained limbs, directly testing and rejecting the spot-reduction hypothesis.
3. Zhou, Y., et al. (2026). Frontiers in Public Health. Systematic review and meta-analysis of 12 randomized controlled trials involving 518 older women, finding resistance training improved handgrip strength, gait speed, Timed Up and Go performance, and 30-Second Chair Stand performance.
