The Digital Magazine

When I turned 35, I realized I was lost.

I was holding onto a toxic relationship for fear that if I let him go, motherhood might not happen. I was well educated and well respected in my field, lived in New York City, had friends, and was well adventured. At the time, none of that mattered because I might not achieve the one goal that trumped all others, having children. And achieving was what I was programmed to do.

I did let him go. But with that went my mental health. Depression followed but so did my awakening.

I had been behaving as if my life would not begin until I found the happily ever after. I was going through the motions while on the “hunt”.  If I didn’t reach my goal, I had no plan B. I had no idea the kind of life I wanted to live or even what I liked for dinner. I had work to do. I made the decision that my priority needed to be ME. I stopped chasing the prince and fell in love with myself instead.

How did I do it?  

I found a great therapist, which took a minute. That gave me a safe space to process the big stuff.  

I went to yoga. I was already an avid practitioner at this point. Yoga taught me to sit with discomfort. It was the first space I was in where failure was embraced. It connected me to my body, quieted my thoughts, taught me to be still and  listen. It is learning to listen that has been my secret weapon.

What did I hear? How I talked to myself (not nicely). The loudest voice (not mine).  

What did I feel?  This was a big one because I was always just “fine”. I started listening to how I felt around people and things. I assessed  what brought joy, what brought anxiety, what made me angry, what made me feel safe. Feelings are a great way to teach yourself what you need and who you need to be around. 

How did I feel? Our physical body does not lie. It often mirrors the state of our nervous system. I learned to check in with my body to see where I was holding tension, when I was holding tension, and how I was breathing. Learning to take the foot off the gas and consciously relax is a learned skill.  I started to cultivate those tools.

Through listening, I started to find my own voice.  I also started to make decisions based on what my voice, emotions, and body were telling me. Those decisions looked VERY different. 

Friendships ended, family dynamics changed, career goals changed, I explored theater, art, and travel.  I started a business.  My life might not look how I thought it should but it’s MINE and I wouldn’t change a thing.  

As I transition into mavenhood, I am keenly aware of the changes that are going on physically, mentally, and emotionally. The awareness I have built has allowed me to advocate for myself for the care that I needed.  Hello, estrogen!  My body needs more rest, better fuel, and relationships that feel nurturing. I adjust as needed. I am grateful for the connection to self I have cultivated.

As a physical therapist and yoga teacher in New York City, I treat some of the smartest and most driven women. Underneath the success, is exhaustion, stress, and a disconnect. Instead of taking a break, these women often take on wellness like it’s a job. What happens when doing “all the things”, doesn’t seem to help?  It’s a problem.

What if I told you the most powerful wellness tool you have is within?  There is such power in turning inward, to listening. Our world teaches us that we need all these other things outside of ourselves. While these may have merit, connecting to your body and mind and operating from a place of alignment can be life changing. I have done it!

I have also made it my mission to help women connect to themselves in this way. If this resonates with you, I would love to have you join us for an upcoming women’s wellness retreat in New York City. Spots are limited. To learn more, visit the site and tap the “Inquire Within” banner at the top. Time set aside for yourself can go a long way.