Posts about living in, understanding, and finding the best of mavenhood.
The Digital Magazine
Many single women over 45 notice a shift in how people talk to them. People stop asking whether you’re seeing anyone and stop wondering whether you’ll meet someone or get married. By 50, your relationship status can start to feel like a settled matter, whether or not you settled it yourself.
For women who are also childfree or childless, the assumptions often go further. Childfree women have chosen not to have children, while childless women wanted children but don’t have them. Many childless women carry feelings about that experience that have little to do with their relationship status. In either case, some people assume something must be missing, and a few go so far as to respond with pity. Both reactions arrive with confidence from people who may not know anything about the woman’s actual life.
A midlife woman we spoke with recently confided that she’d hidden two years of IVF from her family because she didn’t want more of their pity if it didn’t take. When she gave up trying, she grieved in private the life she’d imagined for herself, a loss she described as nearly as painful as the failed attempts. She preferred that her family focus on her lack of a relationship, because at least that could change at any time.
Why do these judgments come so readily? Part of the answer may be this: in 2013, psychologists Kristin Laurin, David Kille, and Richard Eibach found that people who saw their relationship status as unlikely to change were more inclined to idealize it, treating their own arrangement as the way things ought to be.¹ The finding applies to everyone. People often treat their own circumstances as evidence of how life should work, then measure others against them.
A 2021 Michigan State University study of nearly 1,000 Michigan adults pointed in the same direction. After controlling for demographic factors, including age, education, gender, and relationship status, parents, childless adults, and childfree adults reported similar life satisfaction. Still, people who had or wanted children felt less warmth toward childfree adults than childfree adults felt toward one another.² The negative judgment appeared with no matching gap in satisfaction. The study covered one state, and the satisfaction gap disappeared only after those controls were applied, so it’s a meaningful signal and not the final word.
The picture is more complicated for single adults. A 2022 study found that, on average, singles reported lower perceived social support and more experiences of discrimination than partnered adults, and those differences were statistically linked to part of their lower life satisfaction.³ The data cannot prove cause, but they point to a real cost: some of what makes single life harder may be how single people are treated.
The stereotype that women without children are selfish is a familiar one. One single, childless woman we spoke with was called selfish by colleagues for leaving her desk 20 minutes early, which her coworkers with children did routinely. She’d left to help a recently widowed friend who’d needed emergency surgery, while she was managing her friend’s household, communicating with hospital staff, and making daily trips to and from the hospital. Her circumstances illustrate how little a person’s parental status tells us about their relationships or how they spend their time. Her story also points to whose obligations get taken seriously, and whose get questioned.
Taken together, the studies and stories point to a pattern: assumptions about a woman’s life travel faster than facts about it. Whether she has a partner or children is easy to find out. How she spends her time, what matters to her, and how she feels about her life are far less apparent.
A partner or children, or the lack of them, is a fact about her life, not an assessment of it. Has everyone decided for you? The bigger question is why they’re so certain they know.
Footnotes
- Laurin, Kristin, David R. Kille, and Richard P. Eibach. “The Way I Am Is the Way You Ought to Be: Perceiving One’s Relational Status as Unchangeable Motivates Normative Idealization of That Status.” Psychological Science, 2013. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23804959/
- Watling Neal, Jennifer, and Zachary P. Neal. “Prevalence and Characteristics of Childfree Adults in Michigan (USA).” PLOS ONE, 2021. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0252528
- Girme, Yuthika U., Chris G. Sibley, Benjamin W. Hadden, Michael T. Schmitt, and Jeffrey M. Hunger. “Unsupported and Stigmatized? The Association Between Relationship Status and Well-Being Is Mediated by Social Support and Social Discrimination.” Social Psychological and Personality Science 13, no. 2 (2022): 425–435. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35251490/
Dolly Parton was an icon who knew how to write a hit song, make a strong entrance, run a business, and get a laugh. She wore wigs, rhinestones, and six-inch heels, and seemed to enjoy being underestimated. She was known to make audiences of all sizes feel as though she’d invited them into her own living room. When she died in 2026 at age 80, she left behind more than six decades of music, several successful businesses, and an almost unparalleled amount of goodwill.
Her career began long before the rhinestones became a trademark. One of twelve children, she grew up in a two-room cabin in Tennessee. Dolly started singing and performing as a young girl and appeared on local television as a pre-teen. The day after graduating from high school, she moved to Nashville, determined to make a living writing and singing songs. Within a few years, she appeared regularly on The Porter Wagoner Show, where her talent and personality brought national attention.
By the early 1970s, Dolly was ready to establish herself as a solo artist, and in 1973, she wrote both “Jolene” and “I Will Always Love You.” These two songs became among the most recognizable of her career; she wrote the latter as a farewell to Porter Wagoner when she decided to leave his television show and pursue her own work. She later turned down a chance for Elvis Presley to record it when his manager demanded half the publishing rights. [1] She admired Elvis, but she knew her songwriting had value. Whitney Houston’s 1992 recording for The Bodyguard would eventually introduce the song to an entirely new audience.
Her success moved beyond music into film, television, and business. The movie 9 to 5 was a hit and gave her another signature song. In 1986, she opened Dollywood in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, turning a regional amusement park into a major tourist destination. Later, the film Steel Magnolias introduced her to audiences who might never have bought a country album. She also supported education, healthcare, and disaster relief in her home state, and in 1995 she founded the Imagination Library in Sevier County, where she grew up. Her father, Robert Lee Parton, never learned to read or write, and she wanted books to reach children in their homes. The program began by mailing free, age-appropriate books to children in her home county, regardless of family income. The Imagination Library expanded to five countries and, by June 2026, had distributed more than 325 million books. [2]
She was public about her wigs, makeup, and cosmetic procedures but kept her nearly 59-year marriage to Carl Dean private. Dolly met Carl at a Nashville laundromat in 1964, on her first day in town. They married two years later and remained together until his death. Carl ran an asphalt paving business and rarely attended public events, preferring to stay out of the spotlight. This arrangement worked for them, and Dolly spoke affectionately about the independence they each enjoyed, while letting people wonder about the details.
Dolly and Carl had no children, and she spoke about it with candor for decades. In a 1984 interview with Andy Warhol and Maura Moynihan, she said, “I couldn’t have children, I tried to for years.” [3] She had never been pregnant, and she said she missed the possibility for a while. [3] She and Carl had imagined a daughter named Carla. “We talked about it, and we dreamed it, but it wasn’t meant to be,” she told The Guardian in 2014. [4] In 2023, she told Saga Magazine, “I haven’t missed it like I thought I might.” [1]
She was well known for appealing to a wide range of people who agreed on very little. She knew her audience, knew her business, and knew herself. Her humor and warmth were part of her charm, as was her willingness to speak plainly without turning every opinion into a public argument or every private matter into a public one. When Carl died in March 2025, she shared a short tribute to the man she’d loved for most of her life. Dolly stayed closely involved in the projects she’d built over the decades, even as her own health presented challenges. [5]
Dolly Parton left a catalog of songs, a set of successful businesses, and a literacy program that will keep putting books in children’s hands for generations. She also left decades of memorable one-liners and an unapologetic love of glamour. Her life makes a convincing argument for knowing exactly who you are and enjoying it.
Footnotes
[1] Saga Magazine, updated August 2026 https://www.saga.co.uk/magazine/entertainment/dolly-parton-if-something-is-bagging-or-sagging-or-dragging-ill-tuck-it-suck-it-or-pluck-it
[2] Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library, official website. https://imaginationlibrary.com/
[3] Interview Magazine, 1984 interview with Andy Warhol and Maura Moynihan, reprinted January 2012https://www.interviewmagazine.com/culture/new-again-dolly-parton
[4] The Guardian, December 6, 2014 https://www.theguardian.com/music/2014/dec/06/dolly-parton-more-to-me-than-big-hair-phoney-stuff
[5] People, interview with Dolly Parton as reported by the Illawarra Mercury, August 22, 2026. https://www.illawarramercury.com.au/story/9335288/parton-still-healing-after-hard-times-with-health/
