Posts about living in, understanding, and finding the best of mavenhood.
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When I turned 35, I realized I was lost.
I was holding onto a toxic relationship for fear that if I let him go, motherhood might not happen. I was well educated and well respected in my field, lived in New York City, had friends, and was well adventured. At the time, none of that mattered because I might not achieve the one goal that trumped all others, having children. And achieving was what I was programmed to do.
I did let him go. But with that went my mental health. Depression followed but so did my awakening.
I had been behaving as if my life would not begin until I found the happily ever after. I was going through the motions while on the “hunt”. If I didn’t reach my goal, I had no plan B. I had no idea the kind of life I wanted to live or even what I liked for dinner. I had work to do. I made the decision that my priority needed to be ME. I stopped chasing the prince and fell in love with myself instead.
How did I do it?
I found a great therapist, which took a minute. That gave me a safe space to process the big stuff.
I went to yoga. I was already an avid practitioner at this point. Yoga taught me to sit with discomfort. It was the first space I was in where failure was embraced. It connected me to my body, quieted my thoughts, taught me to be still and listen. It is learning to listen that has been my secret weapon.
What did I hear? How I talked to myself (not nicely). The loudest voice (not mine).
What did I feel? This was a big one because I was always just “fine”. I started listening to how I felt around people and things. I assessed what brought joy, what brought anxiety, what made me angry, what made me feel safe. Feelings are a great way to teach yourself what you need and who you need to be around.
How did I feel? Our physical body does not lie. It often mirrors the state of our nervous system. I learned to check in with my body to see where I was holding tension, when I was holding tension, and how I was breathing. Learning to take the foot off the gas and consciously relax is a learned skill. I started to cultivate those tools.
Through listening, I started to find my own voice. I also started to make decisions based on what my voice, emotions, and body were telling me. Those decisions looked VERY different.
Friendships ended, family dynamics changed, career goals changed, I explored theater, art, and travel. I started a business. My life might not look how I thought it should but it’s MINE and I wouldn’t change a thing.
As I transition into mavenhood, I am keenly aware of the changes that are going on physically, mentally, and emotionally. The awareness I have built has allowed me to advocate for myself for the care that I needed. Hello, estrogen! My body needs more rest, better fuel, and relationships that feel nurturing. I adjust as needed. I am grateful for the connection to self I have cultivated.
As a physical therapist and yoga teacher in New York City, I treat some of the smartest and most driven women. Underneath the success, is exhaustion, stress, and a disconnect. Instead of taking a break, these women often take on wellness like it’s a job. What happens when doing “all the things”, doesn’t seem to help? It’s a problem.
What if I told you the most powerful wellness tool you have is within? There is such power in turning inward, to listening. Our world teaches us that we need all these other things outside of ourselves. While these may have merit, connecting to your body and mind and operating from a place of alignment can be life changing. I have done it!
I have also made it my mission to help women connect to themselves in this way. If this resonates with you, I would love to have you join us for an upcoming women’s wellness retreat in New York City. Spots are limited. To learn more, visit the site and tap the “Inquire Within” banner at the top. Time set aside for yourself can go a long way.
At 42, I have more flexibility, balance in my mind, and tools to navigate life’s great challenges than I did in previous decades of life. All of this is greatly attributed to my yoga practice.
Yoga has been weaving in and out of my life for more than a couple of decades, starting in college at the University of Arizona. The first class I attended felt earthy, out of my comfort zone, and didn’t speak to me at all! In my 20s, I found Bikram yoga, which was a great workout, but it felt a bit like a cult with its structure and rules (which was later validated when all sorts of issues about Bikram came to light).
In my 30s, after tragically losing my brother, I found myself in a hot vinyasa class. I was miserable, overworking myself, and lost in grief. I didn’t know how to turn off my phone out of fear of missing a work call. This 75-minute class was my first experience learning how to fully disconnect from my work, life, and commit to myself.
Another thing that developed during these 75 minutes was my acceptance and comfort in my body. It was extremely hot in there, and I needed to wear minimal clothing for comfort. I grew up in the era of extremely thin supermodels, had a career in fashion, and was always self-conscious about my weight after years of swim sports, a love of food, and bulking up as a result. The yoga environment taught me how to disconnect from the surface and go within. I fell in love with it and never looked back.
Fast forward to 2020. The world shut down due to the pandemic, and after several months of homeschooling my ex’s kids, preparing countless meals, cleaning, and drafting business recovery plans, I found myself in a Zoom yoga class. My teacher, who I had been following for several years and learned so much from, mentioned yoga teacher training. Yoga had saved me from losing it years earlier, and I couldn’t sign up fast enough for the teacher training!
Teacher training was the best gift I could have given myself. I literally learned how to heal myself both physically and mentally.
By trade, I am a fashion stylist in the fields of advertising and entertainment marketing. This means that I am walking miles per day for work, either on set or shopping and sourcing products for shoots. My job requires me to lift very heavy equipment, work long hours, and my body suffers from it. By the age of 27, my back was going out monthly, and there were days I was crawling on the floor trying to get to some ibuprofen so I could get back on my feet and to work.
I felt too young for such extreme pain and feared what that meant for my body in the future. Rarely does this happen to me these days, and I’m now 42! Thanks to my yoga practice, I am stronger, more flexible, and leaner than ever before. This summer, I had a six-pack for the first time in my life.
Yoga works on both the body and mind from the inside out. It is a beautiful balance of breathwork, moving meditation, strength, and flexibility. Learning yoga is like learning how to build the vehicle that you ride on your life’s journey. It teaches you the building blocks that guide you to go within and learn the intricacies of your mind and body so you can steer your ship in the best way possible.
Through my yoga practice and teacher training, I have been able to dive into the Ayurvedic sciences and how they weave through diet, seasonal changes, and the effects on the body. I am writing this at the start of fall. Several of my friends have thrown their backs out, one daughter’s shoulder is broken, and my neck was out of alignment in the last couple of weeks. In Ayurveda, this is the Vata season, which is dry, airy, and not very grounded.
To balance this out, it helps to eat and drink warm fluids, do hot yoga practices, use saunas, and add warmth to the body. After adding some extra yoga to my busy schedule, calming my nervous system with heating pads, tea, and mindfulness, my neck is 90% better, my posture is upright again, and I’m on the mend. Ten years ago, I would have been in pain for days, if not weeks!
I could go on and on about my lessons in yoga for a lifetime because I see myself exploring yoga throughout my life. I know it will continue to evolve because there are so many layers to the practice, and the more I dive into the process of learning the sciences of yoga, the more I uncover about myself. That’s a wonderful gift to give myself! As our teachers say at the end of class, “I am grateful for those who came before me to share this practice,” and I am always happy to share my experiences and gains from yoga with others, as it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
