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My sister asked the question and it hit me at my core – “Do we want to be just a weddings and funerals family?” Both our Italian-American heritage and our own extended family history dictated the answer – an emphatic “No!” The concept that family is everything was woven into our very identity. Our connection surely could not be reduced to formal occasions occurring at unknown intervals.

I am the oldest of five siblings and my sister the youngest. Both of our parents are long gone and several of us have partnered and raised families of our own. We are scattered across several states. Yet neither distance nor the passage of time can alter one immutable fact – my siblings are my original circle. They knew me first and longest. They were there, in one form or another, for every milestone and pothole that life has thrown my way. They connect me – viscerally and tangibly — with my earliest memories and experiences.

We often think of family as a static concept—a biological connection that remains unchanged over the years. But in reality, family is a living, breathing entity that can grow, adapt, and flourish through intentional effort and creative approaches. Was there a way to celebrate the strength of that connection with quantity time as well as quality time? The “Brothers Tour is the annual ritual we came up with to answer this question. My sister and I decided we would take a summer road trip that would allow us to go from one brother’s house to the next for a visit and a shared meal. But it was easier said than done. The five of us are spread out over five states from coast to coast – I am the outlier in California and everyone else is in striking distance in the Northeast. We are also not the world’s greatest planners. A save the date could secure attendance at a big event such as a wedding. But settling on a specific summer day for “just us” was a tall order. Given the need for plane tickets, reservations and the specific itinerary, precise commitments would need to be made. We took the leap and made plans, securing an encounter that fit the designated timeline with each of our three brothers.

Somewhat to our surprise it worked perfectly – we had great visits filled with fun and laughter with each one. Perhaps not surprisingly, it brought us even closer – punching up the frequency of our semi-regular check-in calls. An annual tradition was born.

What makes the Brothers Tour so special isn’t just the destination but the intentionality behind it. The trip is designed to be flexible, spontaneous, and filled with meaningful moments. Each summer, we plan our route to visit each brother, traveling from state to state, house to house. Some visits are brief—just a few hours—while others stretch into overnight stays, depending on schedules and circumstances. Unifying the trip is the goal of sibling time. Formal family occasions generally focus on quantity – how many parents, children and grandchildren can we gather in one room. The Brothers Tour is about relationship – a chance for at least us to share some time together. Extra family members, a niece, nephew or grandchild are a bonus but not the real point.

In practice, the Brothers Tour has taken on a momentum of its own. We find this visit – not centered on a special occasion – is an occasion in and of itself. Some aspects of the route and visits have become traditions in themselves. The dinner stop at the large seafood buffet in Rhode Island (where they hand out lobsters one at a time) is a ritual. So is the boat ride on one brother’s boat. Chances to sneak in visits to other relatives who are on the way have cropped up. At other times we use the trip from house to house to have a phone visit with extended family we won’t have a chance to see in person. We are together for no reason but being together and that turns out to be a delight.

Beyond the fun and creativity, the Brothers Tour is fundamentally about reinforcing the importance of family. It underscores a vital truth: relationships can and should be nurtured, even in the midst of busy lives, shifting responsibilities, and geographical distances. The trip serves as a reminder that family isn’t just about shared genetics; it’s about shared experiences, intentional effort, and mutual care.

In a broader sense, the Brothers Tour also exemplifies how creativity can transform ordinary moments into extraordinary ones. With intentionality, we’ve turned a simple drive into a vibrant expression of love and unity. I can’t wait for next year.